Within the last year, I have recently acquired employment as a paralegal at a small Family Law firm. I have every intention to follow this line of work all the way through law school, but I am in a difficult quandary as of late.
A great deal of clients that require our services have been abused, have married people that are abusers, and have children that have been abused. Any and all of these factors come into play in matters of their legal representation, and as such, constitute a significant portion of my workday. I am also going to night school to further my mastery of these job skills, and furtherance towards a proper degree. Two applicable classes I am taking right now are Paralegal Ethics and the other is Family Law; I thought it would be great to skill up on the current area that is a focus of my professional work. However, due to the nature of work and school, I am often confounded with the prospect of withstanding highly triggering situations for a marathon 12 hours a day, discussing horrible situations in often complex detail throughout. Sometimes, I want to explode... This may sound funny, but I have seen myself change a great deal over these six months. In the mirror, I see the face of an embittered person, eyebrows knitting together like a mountain range, with all the permanence of tectonic plate drift. Sress lines. Smiling, laughing has become somewhat more foreign than in times past. This may be because of overall workload, but I tend to think that subject matter bears the most direct influence.
I am asking if anyone may have come across some quality resources, whether books or online communities, or what may have you, for survivors that become professionals that end up dealing with others' abuse histories, only to arouse ancient demons of their own. I have not been medicated, in therapy, or received counseling for over a decade, and I wonder if it's a good idea to explore those options again for stress relief. Medication would probably not happen, but at this point, I am open to avenues of relief that I may travel towards. I enjoy the work, generally, and I have garnered a fortuitous amount of skill and knowledge thus far. I do not wish to see it wasted by diverting my energies away from what may be a beneficial career because I cannot hang. However, it cannot continue like this. Havoc is wreaked upon all areas of my life, and I need control again.
I humbly submit myself to all suggestions.