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Thu, Feb. 7th, 2013, 12:15 am
drenshawtennant: Anyone still about?

No? Well... I'm just going to pretend there is, because otherwise... it's just not fair... I'm 41, and I've only recently begun to have memories of sexual abuse, though the symptoms I've had all my life seem to be indicative of it. I'm getting some help, but feel more and more lost and confused and have great difficulty even accepting what's happened. I'm supposed to write about it, but still can't bring myself to do it. It feels like there'll never be an end to the crud coming up. I really just wanted someone to talk to who knows what it's like.

Sun, Feb. 10th, 2013 03:52 pm (UTC)
thomas_allen88

I never stopped thinking about it and I'm only 24, part of my life everyday. I've written about it no end and the only thing I've found what is it gets easier to do after while and easier to understand the how and why but more so gives me some piece of mind what I can write about it and understand. As to the why, mmmm that's bothering me the most.
I'm to guess there is some reason for the like "I'm supposed to write about it". God knows how many state shrinks or private ones after, to me, them not having been thru it all I ever felt I got was lip service and that one phase "I understand what your going thru". There is no way they can know that.

Wed, Feb. 13th, 2013 01:50 am (UTC)
drenshawtennant

Thanks for that. To hear what you're going through, and that writing about it does help, and that it gets easier means a lot to me. I mean, I know writing about things helps, I've done it with other stuff; depression, anxiety, violence, adoption, grief, self-harm, suicide, hallucinations and such, and it's always more beneficial for that to be through my fiction, where it seems to emerge organically. But this... I don't know. It feels unapproachable. And the other stuff has always been part of my life. The sexual abuse memories have really only begun recently and are somehow deeply shocking but at the same time expected and familiar in a way I can't make sense of.
The advice to write is from several sources, some stock-stanard advice, and some because that's what I do and it's been helpful for other things.
I think we need people who know something of what things are like for us, though no one can ever really know exactly; and we also need people whose job it is to use their skills and information to help us manage with those issues; we need both.
Thank you for sharing that with me, it really does help.
I wish you well.
Jonah.

Wed, Feb. 13th, 2013 02:39 am (UTC)
thomas_allen88: mmmm

your welcome, For me it helps to wright about it a lot more that talk about it..
good luck

Wed, Feb. 13th, 2013 03:07 am (UTC)
drenshawtennant

Yes, thank you again, that's a really valuable point and means a lot to me -I've been spending a lot of time just worrying about why I'm having trouble getting to doing that instead of just trying to do it and making a start.
Cheers for that, and take care.

Mon, Feb. 11th, 2013 05:57 pm (UTC)
ashbowie

We're still here, how many that is and how often we read is debatable, but feel free to post what is on your mind. We'll chime in and help as we are able.

You are not alone, your life will get better if you are willing to put in the time and effort.

Best of luck,
J

Wed, Feb. 13th, 2013 02:08 am (UTC)
drenshawtennant

I really appreciate that, it was a difficult step to make, but I'm glad I did. My life has been getting better of late, and it's been suggested that may be one of the reasons behind this history coming up now. It does feel like yet another thing to front up to, but is probably the bottom line of all the other stuff.
I'll keep chipping away at it, I suppose. Not feeling so alone is a double-edged sword, it's deeply upsetting knowing others suffer as well, and while I've always known that, somehow this coming up for me makes that knowledge even more distressing.
Thanks for your support and positivity.
All the best.
Jonah.

Sun, May. 12th, 2013 08:33 am (UTC)
66davoi

Hey - read your posting. I am now 46, I had an abusive childhood, sexually, mentally & physically - I have been for counselling, seen psychologists & psychiatrists. Can say it has been a slow process. I went, hoping for help over my experiences & how it connects with my life now, & my inability to form relationships.
Never goes like you expect it to.
I have spent a long time talking about my childhood, I wanted it to be specifically about my sexual abuse, but that never really comes up, when it has, there is always something else that comes up, which for some reason, I have dealt with first.
There is nothing I would recommend more is that you see someone, talk, all the feelings you have are memories.
What we do or did, was when horrific things happened to us, because it was such a heinous thing, we could not talk about it, the memory was pushed into our brains, sealed in a big metal box, the box was welded shut & buried under 378 feet of concrete. But.... one day the box makes its way out, opens, & all of a sudden, these memories are like a movie, all coming out at different speeds, at different times, and it is bloody hard to deal with.
Seeing someone, may help you, it did me. First thing, I did was to acknowledge the box, say to it, you will open it, but on your terms & conditions. You set the boundaries.
I have learned a lot about myself, the people around me & how I interact - loads of stuff.
I feel, that though it seems like a shitty time maybe due, taking one step at a time in a safe environment, may just be the thing you need.
Any time you need to talk, just let me know. We can compare notes.

Good luck & best wishes.