Thu, Nov. 27th, 2008, 12:44 am
I just want to say, my name is Damian. I am 22 years old, a gay male from New York. I was molested by a cousin when I was very, very young and had a difficult time dealing with particularly the sexual fantasies that I had afterward. The fantasies that I had never really went away and I have come to terms with everything for the most part. I don't think that I can really provide anyone with support but it's nice that this forum is available for people to express themselves freely. thanks
So the journal is all telling me its all being your birthday Saturday whats kool, so Happy Birthday
So, my boyfriend was sexually abused when he was younger and he has trouble, er...becoming hard and staying that way. I want to help him because he has a lot of emotional issues with it. I don't mind that we can't get physical, but I want him to know that he can. Is there anything I can do to help?
P.S I'm new to this, so if it doesn't belong here, I'm terribly sorry!
X-posted to Queersurvivors
As per the title, this entry will probably contain more than a few potential triggers and some "adult" language so I'm going to place ALL of the entry behind a cut so as to avoid triggering anyone. [This also sort of turned into a long pseudo-rage so that should be behind a cut as well]( triggering, language, length, etc.Collapse )
I'm sorry this turned into such a rambling mess, I just needed to get this out. Has anyone else felt this way? Seen this? Been through this? I need help.
*(City) -- I will not share what city this all took place in because I don't want to worry about my safety or give enough information for anyone to determine my name/identity.
I've taken it upon myself to create a community specifically for male victims who have been abused by females. It is brand new, and I am hoping to gain a few members.noneshallsuffer
cross posted to mybodytaken
I'm writing this now because I can't get him out of my head. There's a guy I've talked to for around 7 years...I don't know how normal it is for internet pen-pal type relationships to end up really deep confidants, but I've listened to my friend for years now and I really love him. We're both gay, both around 20, and he confided in me a few years ago (when he was scared he had AIDS, he didn't) that he was raped as a child. “I'm going to tell you something, and I don't want you to ever mention it again.” I haven't...that may have been the only time he ever told anyone about it.
( the sensitive and the homophobic may not want to read thisCollapse )</span>
he needs help to overcome the emotional scars he has. He won't see a therapist...he's implied I'm more useful than one since there's no money involved and my attachment as a friend is more genuine than a professional relationship. (I've been through therapy and my classes in college right now are aimed at becoming a social worker/therapist, in part because of my own experience with mental illness and also because this isn't the only friend who talks to me about these kinds of issues) – I feel like I'm the best shot at help he has right now...and I'm no kind of qualified.
I guess I'll ask you guys...is there a normal process for recovery from sexual abuse? Like the stages of grieving or something? What can I as a friend (maybe a romantic interest? I have no idea, and I absolutely do not want to put my desire for that kind of intimacy with him in front of what's best for him emotionally and spiritually) do to help him? What would a real counselor do with him?
The most difficult part in finding help for dealing with this is that he's a guy. Most of the resources out there are for women, and even more than that, he's up to his eyes in machismo and intellectualism...so the suggestions I've found about prayer and laying in the park looking at clouds aren't the kind of thing I think he'd take seriously. I'm deeply religious, often very open emotionally, and he finds that part of me more a curiosity than anything. He's not emotionally dense by any means, but he definitely doesn't want to be seen as superficial, effeminate, or soft.
Does anyone know what to do? Any advice, similar experiences...anything at all is appreciated.
Hello everyone. I just wanted to thank everyone on here for having the courage and strength to share your stories. They have helped me. I recently decided to/was coaxed into seeking some professional help. There it was suggested that I keep a journal. So I started one recently and I stumbled upon this community. I have been reading a lot and recognizing multiple similarities with my life. It's really nice to not feel completely isolated.
I do have a question. I was given a 'homework assignment' to write down my triggers. I can't seem to do this. I can't narrow down or remotely pinpoint how it occurs. One minute I'm completely in the present, the next I'll be thinking about what happened and then reliving everything. What really bothers me about this is that by focusing on this assignment, I seem to be more focused on what happened to me. So I end up back there more often than I did prior to being told to figure out my triggers. Does anyone have a suggestion?
An invitation for survivors who have been dx with PTSD. ptsd_survivors
It's been a couple of years since I have been posting here... Maybe I felt my age group kinda didn't belong (I'm in my 50s) and I have been in great fear of rejection. Perhaps this fear is caused directly by the awful abuse I suffered by my father in my childhood, so many years ago. I can not have friends, and I hate sex though I live in a troubled relationship and I have a 7yo son. I try to raise him as a decent human being though my temper is often too strong for his taste...
My son suffers greatly from my lack of network - he does have a few friends himself but clearly, it would be an advantage to him if his dad had a natural circle of friends so that the house wouldn't always be empty. Problem is I have no experience with other people other than working, professional relationships. At my workplace, I am withdrawn and uncommunicative - I participate in meetings and do what I have to do, but my coworkers think I am some kind of lunatic.
I do blame my father for my inability to lead a normal life but I do not necessarily subscribe to the general hysteria surrounding children's sexual development. One thing I do know: Adults forcing themselves on children are destroying lives. When I was a child, what happened was more or less accepted if not normal. What happened was, of course, illegal but authorities most often did nothing about abusive parents, they simply turned a blind eye. Most often, abuse was never reported to authorities, and mine certainly was not.
Please, do not ask me to explain the abuse in detail - I have never been able to do it and I am not now.
I'm glad I finally have the courage to type this out to a community that understands, a community that is experiencing my emotions: when I was six, my cousin molested me. It's shocking to me now, to understand that what happened that night 16 years ago was not normal, that my cousin was taking advantage of me. For the most part, the details are fuzzy, but I remember we were in a tent in my living room, and she was 13 or 14 when it happened; I was only six. Our other cousin was sleeping next us, just two years younger than I. My cousin was sex crazed, and I think she had been molested, because it's a recurring, evil cycle; but I lay in the tent, letting her do things to my body that still make me shake with embarrassment and sadness. The details really aren't that important, but the effects of that night have been lasting. I don't enjoy sex and hate everything to do with it (except for making out). I'm an emotional train wreck, am resorting to rampant alcohol abuse and have been trying new drugs that I regret using. I'm careless about many things. I'm beginning to drink alone; and during these nights, I get so drunk that I will pass out wherever I am, clutching the bottle or a shot glass; meanwhile, during the actual drinking, I will stare at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I'm a piece of shit, that I don't deserve to live, that I will never be happy. My parents don't know what's going on with my anger issues, they don't know how depressed I am, and I don't think I could bare to tell them. I apologize for the run-on paragraph. I'm just glad that I can finally get these words out of my head.